I grew up in a small, rural town in western North Carolina. I don’t know much of anything other than southern living. I’ve never traveled out of the south in the states, and my only connection to any type of city life is in the words and stories of my friends from college. My childhood consisted of 90s country, dirt-covered clothes, no shoes, fresh air, and copious amounts of biscuits and gravy. You may imagine a stereotypical southern family who lives in the sticks and whose vocabulary doesn’t expand beyond the word “y’all.” However, this could not be farther from the truth. Most people see a surface-level picture of what they imagine it’s like to grow up in the south, but that view is often distorted into something so far removed from the hard, cold truths of growing up secluded from everything the world considers to be big and grand. I would consider my life and upbringing to be big and grand, just not in the way most people recognize it. No one can really understand what this lifestyle is like unless you’ve lived through it. It’s demanding, but at the same time beautiful in its own right.
Growing up in this region typically means you grow up in a Baptist church. It comes with the territory. Not that I don’t appreciate my upbringing in the Baptist setting, but it often has a
negative connotation associated with it. As I’ve grown and matured over the years, I understand it. I understand the church hurt that has been caused by the Baptist customs and often the judgment that goes along with it. As I go through my adult life and hear testimonies of people from all kinds of different backgrounds, I hear more and more often how much church, typically southern Baptist church has destroyed so many people’s faith in Christ.
At first, I was shocked by the attitudes considering I grew up with no negative experiences in the Baptist church. Nonetheless, the more stories I heard about the damage caused the more I realized I had seen it with my own eyes growing up, but never realized it. I would like to note, however, that I am not in any way discrediting the Baptist denomination. I am very grateful for growing up in such a loving community, but there is always something any church or denomination needs to do better to be more like Jesus.
Most college students who are either atheists or agnostic typically used to be Christians. When asked, most of them say that they left the church or no longer believe because of the judgment and hypocrisy they faced during that time in their life. In trying to understand this, I took a step back and reflected on my time growing up in the same environment. It was only when I truly sat down and thought about it that I realized they were right, judgment is everywhere in the church.
As I mentioned before, I grew up in a very small, secluded town. The kids I went to kindergarten with were also the ones I graduated high school with. I could probably tell you the names of every kid I went to school with. The same can be said for most of our parents and people in our community. This was both a blessing and a curse. I loved knowing everyone and having personal relationships with them all. It made all our connections closer and deeper. However, it also made it harder to realize when someone was doing something not Christ-like. We grew so used to how everyone acted all the time that it felt normal for the people around us to judge certain people and their lives. The adults we trusted in our church community would judge others who struggled with addictions or who had a particularly hard go at life. I vividly remember grown women talking down on a teenage girl for a silly high school relationship that would inevitably end and be forgotten about. Individuals who struggled with alcohol or drugs had noses turned up at them because they were not considered “Christ-like.” When impressionable young kids grow up in church hearing these things and being told that they’re better than others because they don’t struggle with such devastating issues, they believe it. Why wouldn’t they?
As I’ve grown in my faith over the past few years, I have come to realize that the people who judge others so harshly are the ones who need God the most. They would rather focus on everyone else's shortcomings than admit their own. One sin is not greater than another. That is often forgotten in the church. Just because your life may look and seem to be better than someone else’s does not mean that you are superior to them in any way. It appears empathy has been completely forgotten by the church body.
As I discussed, the surface-level picture of what it’s like to live in the south is so far from the truth. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have a family who did not struggle as much with the poverty and drug abuse that occurs in many rural, southern communities. All the same, I did witness it a lot growing up. It was heartbreaking to watch my classmates of many years drop out of school due to drugs or having to get a full-time job to support their families. To know that the meals provided at school would be the only meals some kids would get to eat that week. To see kids so lost and alone because their parents care more about having a good time than taking care of them. So why is it that the one place they should be able to come to and feel nothing but pure love, is not welcoming to them? Why has the church forgotten its empathy?
Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God had forgiven you.” We are called to have empathy for others by God. He instructs us many times throughout the Bible to have compassion for those less fortunate than us. We are told to be kind and extend grace to those struggling in ways we could never understand. Judgment is not ours to give. God is the ultimate judge, and it is not our place to cast judgments on anyone. We are called to make disciples and we cannot do this by turning people away or discriminating against them just because they sin differently than we do. No one on this earth is perfect and never will be. The only perfect person to walk this earth was Jesus. If God can extend us grace and forgiveness for sinning against him, why can’t we do the same for others who have done nothing to us? I encourage anyone who is reading to extend grace and practice empathy because you never know what someone might be going through.
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